Car dramas

Well they say it never rains, then it pours....

Last week Dad's car died and this sent him into a spin. The end of the world as he knew it!
However, over the weekend we've got him a new (old) car - well done Graham for doing the leg work! Dad's outlook is brighter now he's got wheels again. And can get into the village to get his paper. He's even talking of getting out and about to visit people.This is a sign that he's feeling a bit more upbeat.

We're doing various form filling and paperwork things to make sure they are getting as many benefits and breaks as possible.
The Trading Standards Money advice team have been fantastic and pointing us in the right direction. They have managed to get Fife Council to agree to pay full care costs for Mum for a couple of months - this is good news. Thereafter, we will have to contribute £100 per week to the total care costs of almost £600 per week. We're working away on that one.

The important thing is Dad is not getting stressed with this side of things and can spend his last few months(?) just enjoying a good quality of life.

This week, he's got another appointment at Ninewells to see how he's getting on. Then I suspect he'll hit the road and do some friend visiting while he's still able.

Mum is doing fine in St Andrews and had a lovely time making a photo collage last week (thanks Jackie!). I hope to see her as soon as I can get down there.

Send a hug
X

Waiting now...

Dad is now back at home and pretending all is well.
He's getting lots of visitors and so is in 'hostess with the mostest' mode. The days and sunny and he's getting out into the garden. He's seems pretty happy and relaxed.

The tumour in his throat will be growing. His voice seems to be getting weaker every time we speak. Who knows how long he has? But if the sun keeps shining and the plants keep growing, he'll enjoy what time he has left.

Mum is getting more relaxed and more settled at St Andrews House. She is still packing and unpacking her things - which is one of the rituals she does. But as long as she has enough sweeties and regular mealtimes, she seems happy. Dad has been visiting her regularly. And he's upset and relieved that she has stopped asking him to take her home.

We're working hard to try and find a way to fund the care home for Mum. Their financial affairs are in a bit of a mess so we're trying to sort it out, without putting Dad under any strain.

I don't know if Dad has weeks or a few months left, but keep your fingers crossed he gets a chance to enjoy them.

I guess we'll just wait.....

Dad's heading home

Dad will be discharged on the 24 or 25 April and will head home.
He's made the (brave) decision to not have any more surgery on his tumours and let the cancer run its course. No one is sure how long he has left. The throat tumour has grown in size since it was last looked at a few weeks ago, so it may not be long.

We went to visit Mum together last weekend and he found that really hard as he is now seeing just how ill she is. He also found it hard that she cannot understand that he's dying and she cannot show compassion or empathy.

He's had to deal head on with lots of stuff this weekend - Mum's deterioration, his own illness and the mess that their finances are in. It's been really tough.

But it's all out there now and we can start working with it and coming to terms with it in our own ways.

If you get a chance to visit, Dad would love it. But please, make it soon.....

A sad weekend

This weekend, Mum went into fulltime care at St Andrew's House. She is not taking in that it is for good and thinks that Dad is going for a break into hospital. She has been told it's for a long time, but I've not doubt she's have her stuff packed and unpacked at least twice a day for as long as her mind allows her to.
She has no grasp of the reality of how serious it is for Dad and has no emotional response to the news that he is terminally ill. Fronto temporal dementia is a cruel illness.

Packing up her things for her to take with her, was very sad. Going through her personal things, picking what I thought she would like to take was particularly heartbreaking. Especially finding all the special things she'd hidden in her sock drawer. Small things that were significant to her, but meaningless to many other people - old photos, dance shoes, her stamp collection (did she collect stamps??), touching letters from us when we were children, old penny collection and war memorabilia from her Dad.

She is settling back into St Andrew's House well. When asked how she's finding it, her answer is 'awful' - her stock response to any question on how things are! It's one of the limited number of words she has left.
But she is relaxed and is clearly fond of the staff (maybe not the other residents!) and is responding well to the routine and support she receives there.
Importantly, she is safe and well looked after by good team of people who can manage the job. It's a relief that she is there.

Dad's immediate response to this new situation is relief, but he's got a grieving process to go through and I'm not sure he's had the space to do this yet. His stay in Ninewells begins on Tuesday 8 April and Graham will take him up there on Tuesday morning. Before then he has many affairs to get into order and will probably be too busy to notice that Mum's not there.

He is getting another endoscopy to see how far the throat tumour has progressed on the 22 April. Once the results are back from that, he will make a decision to either proceed with surgery to remove the tumour or allow the cancer to take its course. He will probably be in hospital for a few weeks and then who knows......

Mum's going into care

Well the latest news is that Mum is going into care full time from 31 March in St Andrews. Dad is going to have some more endoscopy on 22 April, but will need to be in hospital for 2 weeks beforehand for 'body building'.
Depending on what they see when they operate, they may operate further to remove his voice box. He'll have an artificial voice box and breathing tube after that. The operation is pretty serious and he may not survive it or the recovery period, but we can only hope....

Please say prayers for them. And light any candles......

x

Dad is not very well. A new tumour has been found deep in the back of his throat, in his pharynx and going into his voice box (his larynx). This week he has been at Susie and Johnnie's house in Leeds getting spoiled rotten. He was in desperate need of a rest and a chance to get his head round what may happen next.

Options are:

• get treatment for the cancer, which may involve getting a tracheotomy tube and artifical voice box. It will be gruelling, painful and unpleasant and possibly fatal
• Or get no treatment and let the cnacer take its course. This will be gruelling, painful and unpleasant and ultimately fatal.

He's got to choose one of these options on Tuesday and I don't envy the decision.

Mum meanwhile is in St Andrews care home and seems to be settling well. She doesn't understand what is happening to Dad and thinks he is away on holiday.

They are getting means tested next week. This may help to find a way to fund full time care for Mum.

It's all really sad and depressing.

All seems calm in Crail

All does seem quiet in Crail just now.
Mum has been advised not to drive (a blessing!) and is slowly understanding this. The DVLA should be in touch soon to say they have received this information.

Dad is getting a little stronger and it still coming to terms with Mum's rapid decline.
They are both heading to Susie and John's for Christmas and Dad is very excited about it. Some company!